blessednbabbling











{October 9, 2012}   #30WriteOctober-Day Seven

My mama’s birthday. Today is also the day I joined the church that I’ve been visiting for a little over a year. When the service called for people who wanted to join I decided that I’d take myself down to the altar. But the man on my right had other plans. I was holding hands with the people next to me and I politely let go and said “excuse me” and attempted to walk out of the pew. Realizing where I was going the man asked me if he could walk me. I said yes and he walked me down front (in his defense, the pastor DOES say if the person beside you wants to come down front walk with them). Completely forgetting that I was going to have to leave the sanctuary I left my purse on the pew. I also didn’t know I’d be gone for the remainder of the service. (they take the group of people who come down front to either A) get saved, B) join the church or  C) renew their relationship with Christ to a room to find out why they came down and then assist them accordingly). When I went back to my pew my purse was gone. Before I let myself think that someone in the church would stoop so low as to take my purse panic I figured my dad (who was a few rows in front of me) saw me go down front empty handed and decided to collect my belongings. I was wrong. I finally turned to find an usher. She smiled at me and motioned for me to come to her. I did and she welcomed me to their church family and handed me my purse. She said that the man who walked with me was, in her words, “very protective of my purse” and took it to her once he saw that I wouldn’t be back before the service let out.

I thought that was nice of him.

The usher tried to lecture me on leaving my purse but I explained to her why I left my purse on the pew. She smiled at me again and whispered “we’re always looking for ushers”. I smiled even though I knew I wasn’t going to be one. I’ve always thought you  had to be an older woman in order to be an usher. Probably b/c I’ve never seen an usher that looked younger than 35.

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{October 9, 2012}   #30WriteOctober-Day 6 Rewrite

I had written a rant piece on what I’ve learned since working retail but decided not to post it. Everything I said was the truth but after re-reading it I realized that some of what I said may not be meant for such a public forum as this. I’m not ashamed of what I wrote though, let’s make that clear.

So, I did a rewrite for Day 6. Enjoy

It has been said that “if a writer falls in love with you you can never die. You will always be alive in their work”.

I can’t (and won’t) speak for other writers but this is true for me.

If I’m attracted to you it’s quite possible that the part of you that will be reflected in my writing will be sexualized or really intense. It all depends. On how deep my attraction to you goes, that is. Whether or not I’ll share said piece is also determined by how deep the attraction is. If you’re aware of the attraction can sometimes determine if I’ll share the piece with you.

I don’t necessarily have to be attracted to you in order for you to find your way into my writing though. I may take bits and pieces of your personality and apply it to a character. Your traits that I admire and even the ones I can’t stand may be given to a character or a general piece I’m working on.

I was on Twitter once and a tweet from my crush crossed my timeline. I looked at his avatar and wrote an entire piece based on one little detail that I saw. One detail. Said story is a favorite of mine and that of my growing list of readers. Does he know he inspired the story? Yes. Has he read it? Yes. Did he like it? Yes.

I took a few personality traits from two people who hate each other and applied them to one character. They’ll never know though.

I am in no way attracted to my pastor but while listening to him one Sunday I wrote an entire story while in church. A tiny piece of the side of him I see is given to the hero in the story.

I love when inspiration hits me. Where may not always be convenient in that I may not have pen and paper handy but thank God for my phone and its Notes section. I can write an entire piece and discover, during the proofreading process, that I’ve put someone who may have recently crossed my path somewhere in it.

I can appreciate that I have a writing style all my own. I have an “on/off” switch for the obvious factor. I can write where it will be obvious to the reader that I have a personal connection to a plot or character. Sometimes it’s not so obvious. At times I write where the connection is only obvious to me.



{October 6, 2012}   #30WriteOctober-Day Five

I’m cheating with this one but who cares

After this post I’ll be caught up.

Days 1-5 posted during the wee hours of Day 6

Day 6 to be written and posted after work



{October 6, 2012}   #30WriteOctober-Day Four

I talk to God OUTSIDE of the church way more  than I do INSIDE of it

We have some of our best conversations while I’m in the shower, in my car, standing in my room being weird, etc

I think it’s better that way though

 



{October 6, 2012}   #30WriteOctober Day Three

I was going to write about how there are a few movies that were slept on that I ended up loving. Movies such as An Unfinished Life (with Robert Redford, J.Lo and Morgan Freeman) or Patch Adams with Robin Williams and Monica Potter. Or how about Clover, about how the daughter of a black man (who dies in a car accident the day he marries a white woman) learns to cope with the loss of her father and how she’s now “stuck” with a white woman as a mother. Or The Longshots starring KeKe Palmer and Ice Cube (my love for the game of football might be why I love this movie)

Instead, I’m choosing to write on how I’ve “grown up” when it comes to being a fan of certain things and people.

Back in the day, if you uttered a single negative thing to me about any celebrity I loved I’d go into straight defensive mode. For instance, any time someone would call Ray Lewis a murderer I’d always respond with “were you there, then shut up”. Or the moment someone would say that Ludacris sucks as a rapper my rebuttal would be about how he’s never been to jail, has gone to college, etc.

I might could’ve been a stan for those two guys when I was younger.

Not anymore though.

I’ve learned that not everybody is going to feel the same way I do about them. And that’s perfectly okay.  And b/c I realize this now I don’t always jump to their defense when someone is speaking negatively about them.

I will just always beg to differ in their cases.



{October 6, 2012}   #30WriteOctober-Day Two

Loss

Loss Prevention came to mind first. Probably b/c I wrote this standing at my register. That and our LP guy just walked by.

The second thing that came to mind was the “loss/lost” struggle that can be seen almost daily on social networks.

Anyway.

Do you ever REALLY get over the loss of a loved one? I personally don’t think so, you just learn to live with it.

There will always be those moments where you reflect on what path(s) your life WOULD’VE taken had you had that person’s guidance/influence.

You learn to cope as the days go by. Those first few days after they’re gone that you DON’T think about them are the hardest. Because once you realized that they didn’t cross your mind you start to wonder if that means you no longer care. Or the first year their birthday or the anniversary of their death comes along and you don’t go visit their grave. This just means that you’re finally learning to live life without their physical presence.

I have no recollection of my daddy but yet every time I open my closet and see the Georgia Bulldogs sweatshirt I was told he wore I wonder if he was even a fan or if he just happened to have the sweatshirt. I was told that his favorite hymn was The Blood. It’s my favorite too.

I’ve never really gotten over the fact that I grew up without a daddy.  I just deal with it. and the older I get the more I start to think about my wedding day and whether or not my dad (my mother’s husband) will walk me down the aisle or if I’ll walk down by myself.

 



{October 6, 2012}   #30WriteOctober-Day One

Courage

I’m not ashamed, at least not anymore, to say that I’ve only had my license for a little over a year.

I’ve always thought it was no one else’s business so unless you asked (and I felt like telling you) you’d never know it hasn’t been that long.

Why did it take me so long? Fear

My daddy was killed in a truck accident when I was 3 and growing up I was in my fair share of accidents. There was no way I wanted to get behind the wheel.

I didn’t really know I was as traumatized as I was until someone pointed out to me that I was ALWAYS bracing myself whenever I’d see brake lights on the car in front of us. I would also brace myself whenever the car I was in would brake b/c I was always sure the car behind us wouldn’t brake on time and we’d be hit. You know the pedals on the passenger side of Driver’s Ed cars? Yeah, that was ALWAYS me. For YEARS.

All of the “if you drove you could do this, go there” type pep talks never worked either. My aunt told me it was a fear and that I needed to constantly remind myself that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.  She even offered to pay for driving lessons. Want to know what I told her? (and this was years ago). Told her that she’d be wasting her money.

I’m not even sure what finally pushed me to go ahead and do it. Actually I know a tiny bit of what it was but I’ll never tell anyone, not even that person. But alas, I took the test. And passed.

Only once have I ever said that I wish I’d have gotten a license sooner but I believe that “timing is everything” and that I got mine at the right time for ME.

Driving is very liberating. More liberating than I thought.  My aunt was right when she said “when you’re the driver you can go where you want to go and leave when you get tired of being there”. I love it.

the biggest thing that happened once I obtained a license (and a car) was that it has thoroughly intensified my relationship with God. We talk more so in Milo (what I’ve named my car) than we do in church.  And I love it



{October 5, 2012}   #30WriteOctober

I “accepted” the challenge to write SOMETHING every day for the month of October. Yes, October has 31 days but we’re not writing on Halloween

I’m about 4 days behind so I’m playing a quick catch up. I took 4 topics from friends and wrote on them. I won’t do a topic every day though, it was just easier to catch up when I knew beforehand what I’d be writing about

They won’t all be personal, I don’t think, but there will be a piece of me in each post

Enjoy!!

P.S. I’m going to bombard this blog with days 1-4, so brace yourself



{May 16, 2012}   Internal guilt

Mother’s Day.

A day that hasn’t been the same for me since 2005

that’s the year a very close friend of mine lost her mother.

and it seems as if every year (or every other year) since then someone else I know and love (friends and family alike) has lost their mom

Most recently,  my favorite painter

I spent half of this year’s Mother’s Day thinking about those two friends of mine.  Thinking about how they’d never again be able to do the very thing I was doing at that moment.  It made me cry

2005 was the year I stopped “publicly” celebrating Mother’s Day. Part of it was a conscious effort while some parts were unconscious. It was the year I stopped posting statuses and pictures leading up to the holiday. It was also the year I unconsciously stopped making Happy Mother’s Day calls to all the mothers I know.

At times I feel guilty that my mom is still here while the moms of people I know and love aren’t. I start internally asking myself questions about what makes me different from them. What is it about me that I got to keep my mom and they didn’t. Or, what is it about them that their mom gets to see God before mine does.

I’m very careful about mentioning  ANYthing regarding my mother to these friends. I feel as though saying anything about her is another reminder to them that theirs is gone.

Last year I lost my cousin.  She was the mother of two. I was visiting with the family and wanted my mom’s attention. I called out “mom” and immediately wanted to kick myself.  How dare I make it known that I still have a mother yet I was there to mourn with two people I love who had just lost theirs.  These were the thoughts running through my head as I grabbed a soda for myself, my mom and aunt.

What do you say to them on Mother’s Day? that they haven’t already heard?

2005 seems like a long time ago and just this past weekend I felt compelled to speak on  these feelings

I know and understand that I have no control over who dies and when. That has never been my job nor will it ever be my job. But,  that doesn’t change my feelings. I am human you know.

I did a video blog about this thinking it would be easier to get my words out that way. Wrong.  I cried through pretty much the entire video.

Will these feelings ever go away? I don’t know, they stay buried in the back of my mind and come to the forefront on Mother’s Day or whenever I hear that someone I know has lost their mother.



{May 1, 2012}   The Compromise

They had the whole world thinking they had a friendship that one would envy but deep down they hated each other

Anytime there would be a group gathering they’d each inquire about whether or not the other would be there and decide not to show up

Finally, their mutual friends and co-workers caught on to their scheme

They both ended up at the Halloween party, wearing matching costumes

Their costumes?

He a slice of bread, she a jar of grape jelly

Laughs were had by all, even them. At first.

Until they realized who was in the costume that matched their own.

They met in the hall way, fuming

An argument was had as each of them accused the other of not inquiring about what the other’s costume would be and acting accordingly

Ten minutes later, after they realized their argument was pointless and going nowhere, they start laughing

and laughing turned into one passionate kiss

which then turned into them taking their costumes off

they found the nearest bathroom and left their costumes in the hallway

Co-workers and mutual friends began to notice that they both were gone and went searching for them

After finding their costumes sprawled on the floor they stopped to listen to the sounds coming from the bathroom a few feet away

they all laughed and went back to enjoy their drinks

 



et cetera